Monday, September 19, 2016

Weeks 10 through 17 - The Death Spiral

Re-reading my previous entry I now recognize how quickly depression was setting in.  Over the following weeks my attitude and enthusiasm quickly began to spiral.  I was keeping a positive attitude on the outside as best I could but eventually I broke down.

I slumped into self-pity pretty quickly.  It wouldn't have been so bad if I were getting rejection letters, at least that way I could asses what the problem was and make corrections.  But I had nothing to grip on, no responses, no leads, no potential solution.

Prior to this event I've never been unemployed for more than a week or two.  I had every confidence that after a half dozen interviews with various places I'd be right back on my feet.  Those interviews never came, not even a single courtesy rejection letter from my applications.

I still had what I consider to be a successful freelance business running.  If you remember I had hopes of spinning that into my new source of full-time income.  Unfortunately I lack the sales skills to make that happen quick enough before my funds run out, especially in my current state of mind.

During these weeks I began researching various social services program.  Seeing if there were some type of program that could help with my negative income flow before I totally run out.  The sad truth is that only when you are truly indigent is when programs become available to you.  I really can't believe there's nothing in place to help people before they reach such lows.

After a pep talk from my wonderful fiance I am finally able to snap out of my funk and let my logic take over a bit.  Realizing that complaining and worrying is simply not productive.. well actually counter productive!  And that while many people are concerned about me over this situation, they can only offer moral support and simply aren't able to change it.  I am the only one that can invoke that change.

With this realization I decided to make a commitment to my self, that from this day forward I would only be positive and not expend any energy on negative emotions and thought.  I cleared my calendar (I'm a time management freak) and started adding deliberate tasks that are both positive and proactive towards my goal of financial stability.

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